It's not always Depression

Rachelle Millar
Dec 14, 2025
3 min read

How Equine Therapy Brings the Change Triangle to Life

One of the most common things I see when people begin equine-assisted therapy is not fear of horses, but uncertainty in themselves.

They may have horses of their own, yet have never been shown how to lead with clarity, presence, and trust. They might know what they want, but not quite how to ask for it. And when this happens, the horse does not respond — not out of defiance, but out of honesty.

This moment is where equine therapy becomes something deeper than horsemanship. It becomes a mirror of our inner world.

Horses respond to presence, not pressure

Horses are highly sensitive to the nervous system of the people around them. They respond to:

clarity of intention
calm, regulated presence
emotional honesty
consistency

They do not respond well to rushing, forcing, or self-criticism. This makes them extraordinary teachers — because they show us how we are being, not just what we are doing.

Introducing the Change Triangle

To help clients understand what is happening internally, I often introduce Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s Change Triangle — a simple, powerful model that explains how emotions move through the body.

The Change Triangle describes three layers of experience:

Defences

These are the strategies we use to cope, such as overthinking, pushing harder, people-pleasing, or disconnecting. They are not wrong — they once helped us survive.

Inhibitory emotions

These emotions can block or slow us down, including anxiety, shame, guilt, or fear of being judged. They often appear when we try something new or unfamiliar.

Core emotions

These are our natural human emotions — fear, sadness, anger, joy, excitement. When felt safely, they move through the body and resolve.

How this shows up when leading a horse

When a client feels unsure:

their body may tense
their focus may scatter
self-doubt may surface

The horse senses this immediately and may stop, drift away, or disengage. This is not a failure — it is feedback.

The horse is reflecting the client’s nervous system in real time.

The power of pausing

Rather than correcting the behaviour, we pause.

The client is invited to:

slow their breath
notice what they are feeling
soften their body

This simple act begins to move them down the Change Triangle. Anxiety or uncertainty may appear — and that is a healthy part of the process.

Asking with clarity

Once the client reconnects with their body, they are invited to:

clarify what they want
ask clearly and simply
stay present without forcing

This is not about dominance or control. It is about congruence — when intention, body, and emotion align.

Horses respond almost immediately to this shift.

The importance of praise

When the horse responds, we acknowledge it:

pressure is released
the moment is named
effort is recognised

This mirrors self-compassion. It helps the nervous system learn that connection does not require perfection — only presence.

Open-hearted emotions and the authentic self

As emotions move through naturally, many clients experience what I call open-hearted states:

calm
clarity
confidence
curiosity
connection

In the Change Triangle, this is the emergence of the authentic self — a state where we feel grounded, present, and able to lead without force.

The horse follows because it feels safe to do so.

From the paddock to everyday life

What clients practise with the horse translates directly into life beyond the paddock:

relationships
leadership
boundaries
parenting
decision-making

The process remains the same:

Pause
Breathe
Notice
Clarify
Ask
Acknowledge

A closing reflection

Horses do not judge. They do not respond to who we think we should be.

They respond to who we are — in this moment.

Equine-assisted therapy offers a rare opportunity to experience emotional regulation, authenticity, and connection in real time. Not by pushing harder — but by coming home to ourselves.

The Change triangle - print this out and refer to it, reflect on using it and how it moves through you in whatever you do. Be it leading a horse or handling Xmas with your family.